Post 007

A reflection rooted in Al-Anon wisdom

There comes a moment in recovery when something quietly liberating settles in:

Trying to rationalize irrational behavior is irrational.

If you’ve loved someone struggling with addiction – or lived close to chaos, unpredictability, or denial – you know the mental effort well. The monitoring. The explaining. The anticipating. The constant attempt to make sense of what doesn’t make sense.

In Al-Anon, we talk about detached interest—staying out of the drama while keeping our hearts intact. Letting go of outcomes without shutting down.

I’m still learning this.
There’s no graduation date.
Just practice.

Lately, I’ve been holding this wisdom in a simple image I think of as the Popcorn Practice.

Taking the Popcorn Seat

For many of us, loving someone in addiction meant trying to direct the movie.

We watched closely.
We anticipated crises.
We adjusted ourselves.
We explained, reasoned, negotiated, and intervened.

Not because we were controlling – but because chaos felt dangerous.

Somewhere along the way, control began to feel like care.

The Popcorn Practice begins when we step out of that role.

Not from the mountaintop.
From the seat.

Imagine yourself no longer on stage.
No longer responsible for how the story unfolds.
You’re sitting back in your chair, popcorn in hand, watching the movie play.

You’re not indifferent.
You’re not cold.
You’re simply no longer inside it.

This is detached interest.

From Obsession to Awareness

Many of us lived in a state of hyper-vigilance for a long time. Our nervous systems learned to stay alert – tracking behavior, scanning for danger, bracing for what might come next.

The Popcorn Practice invites a different posture.

Instead of asking:

• What will happen next?
• How do I stop this?
• Why are they doing this?

We gently turn toward ourselves and ask:

• What happens if I don’t engage?
• Can I let this unfold without managing it?
• What is mine to tend right now? (my heart, mind, body & spirit)

This isn’t giving up.

It’s coming home.

Control vs. Care

One of the most compassionate truths Al-Anon offers is this:

We often confuse control with care.

We tried to control because we loved deeply.
Because we were afraid.
Because we wanted safety, honesty, and stability.

Recovery doesn’t ask us to care less.
It invites us to care differently.

The Popcorn Practice is what it feels like to put down a job that was never ours to begin with.

Nervous System Alchemy

This practice isn’t just emotional or cognitive – it’s physiological.

When we step out of the movie, the body responds first.

The shoulders soften.
The breath deepens.
The constant readiness to react begins to ease.

This is the alchemy I care most about.

Not forcing calm.
Not figuring everything out.
But creating enough distance for the nervous system to remember safety.

Sometimes that distance looks like popcorn.

Bless Them. Change Me.

When I notice myself getting pulled into someone else’s story, I pause.
I breathe.
I take my seat.

Popcorn.

I remind myself:
I don’t have to understand the plot to stay seated.
I don’t have to fix the scene to be okay.
I’m allowed to focus on my own recovery, my own body, my own life.

Bless them.
Change me.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re in the middle of confusion, transition, or emotional noise right now – loving someone you cannot save, or simply exhausted from trying – this isn’t about doing it perfectly.

It’s about noticing the moment you can step back.

You don’t need answers.
You don’t need certainty.
You don’t need to know how it ends.

You just need a seat.

🍿
Watch without absorbing.
Witness without carrying.
Let Al-Anon wisdom hold you where control once lived.

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may it bring comfort, clarity, and a gentle return to yourself.

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She went inward.
And her light came pouring out.
— Stephanie Stanley

Thank you for stopping in. More to come…🌙 

🎧 A Short Popcorn Practice (Audio) Meditation

If you’d like to sit with this for a moment, I’ve recorded a short Popcorn Practice you can listen to below.

It’s here for those moments when your mind is looping or your body feels alert – when it helps to step out of the movie and take your seat again.

There’s nothing to do and nowhere to get to.
Just sit.

Disclaimer: This writing is not a substitute for therapy. It’s soul-led support, rooted in compassion and lived experience.