Post 004 The Day I Realized I was Lost Too

Post 004

The Day I Realized I Was Lost Too

On the outside, I looked like I was holding it all together.
I went to work. I answered texts. I smiled when people asked how I was doing.

But inside? I was falling apart.

I thought the addiction was their problem—their drinking, their chaos, their choices.
What I couldn’t see yet was how completely I had gotten lost inside it too.

I lost track of where they ended and I began.
Their moods dictated mine.
Their drinking determined the rhythm of my days.
Their chaos became the background noise of my life.

And somewhere in the middle of it all, I disappeared.

It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow drift.
One compromise here, another silence there.
One more excuse made to family, one more sleepless night waiting for the door to open.

I didn’t know I was drowning because I was too busy trying to keep them afloat.

The day I realized I was lost too wasn’t dramatic—it was quiet.
I remember sitting in my car, hands on the steering wheel, feeling like I no longer recognized the woman staring back at me in the rearview mirror.
That was the moment I whispered the truth: I don’t know who I am anymore.

And as painful as that was, it was also the beginning.

Because naming the lostness was the first step toward finding my way home.

Reflection for You

If you’re reading this and feeling lost too, know this: you are not broken. You are not crazy. You’ve been carrying more than anyone should.
Take one small moment today to ask yourself—not who they need you to be, but who you are, underneath the weight.

Closing

This journey isn’t about fixing them. It’s about remembering you.
And even when you feel completely lost, there is a way back to yourself.

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With fierce grace and so much hope,
— Stef

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She went inward.
And her light came pouring out.
— Stephanie Stanley

Thank you for stopping in. More to come…🌙